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Oct. 5th, 2008

she even got her very own ring tone.

I just miss it, that's all.


Aug. 3rd, 2008


Beyond all else let me start off with saying I have a goal. I'm tired of just living with things and not living for things. Example: myself. In all honesty the one thing I've wanted most over the last few years is all within my reach and yet I still find someway of justifying it not happening. If I want it enough, it can happen right? This goal is no exception. Not only would it benefit me physically, but it would benefit me emotionally and mentally. The more confident I feel, the more outspoken I become. Truth. Through with trying, I'm going to go through with it. Literally benefitting every aspect of my life, this is now a main priority of mine.

Aug. 1st, 2008


Weakness shines through in every word that drips from this page. Time has brought nothing but an ill fated memory and antique quidlines. Letter to letter and word to word, nothing flows as it should. With every intention, the meaning will show itself to you, show itself to all but those fortunate enough.
Your lips, graced by a gentle sound reverberating from within; softly it flows over and out into the air for all to hear. Each consonant to vowel bring together every syllable. Counting: one, two, three. The difference is clear between each word, each new sound, each new letter arrangement.
Take this, accept this as a plea. In honor of you, these sentences put together paragraphs. Allow nothing to let you stray from the one true thing behind these words. The importance of wording all text in life.

May. 28th, 2008

Flogging Molly made my day.

I am not quite sure why, there is no direction relation to anything in my life, but.. this song really has a way of making me feel like everything will be alright. Life will be okay, no matter what. Bad times will pass, however for the time being I'm still scared. This just eases everything.

If I Ever Leave This World Alive - Flogging Molly

If I ever leave this world alive
I'll thank for all the things you did in my life
If I ever leave this world alive
I'll come back down and sit beside your feet tonight
Wherever I am you'll always be
More than just a memory
If I ever leave this world alive

If I ever leave this world alive
I'll take on all the sadness
That I left behind
If I ever leave this world alive
The madness that you feel will soon subside
So in a word don't shed a tear
I'll be here when it all gets weird
If I ever leave this world alive

So when in doubt just call my name
Just before you go insane
If I ever leave this world
Hey I may never leave this world
But if I ever leave this world alive

She says I'm okay; I'm alright,
Though you have gone from my life
You said that it would,
Now everything should be all right

She says I'm okay; I'm alright,
Though you have gone from my life
You said that it would,
Now everything should be all right
Yeah should be alright


May. 26th, 2008


There are so many things I want to do.
I need a job first, come on!

May. 23rd, 2008

Last night..

I went to be content with how I know things will be,
because in all honesty I never expected anything more.
Expecting and wishing are two different things, I guess.
My sleep was filled with dreams, ones that made this all
more difficult.

I woke up this morning immediately lacking the feeling
of content I had the previous night.Immediately I knew
my day was ruined. Something was incredibly off.
More things went wrong, pilling up on top of this already
horrible feeling. Now, I am so stressed out and scared
regardless of my faith and hope. Not only could I come
so close to losing people I never really got to know very
well, but I've decided this has to be the last chance.
As much as I want to say I deserve more, I don't even know.

May. 13th, 2008


Out of all times for this to return, it's now. I spend my time trying to not regret my choices. Now.. after SO long.. there's nothing I can do about it. I don't even want to discuss it. I've let myself drift so far, so incredibly far. I wish it weren't so difficult to find the ground again.

May. 4th, 2008


There is so much motivation behind these words and yet I don't know if I really feel like saying them. I guess it's better now for me to express these many feelings before I leave and try to escape them completely. Infact, that's what I'll do. I'll try to write it all out in a way that I used to. Transfer thoughts to typed words and hopefully keep them that way.In just under 4 hours I have to get ready to leave for Vegas; four day vacation from everything I need to get away from and to just have fun. This is my chance to hopefully partially deal with some issues I have.
I never let anything go, especially when it has become seemingly unattainable. Where would we be without the chase. Nowhere. Where we started. I push everyone away when I feel the need, like now. I need for some people to just be.. away.. and I don't know why I do this. There is no bone in my body that is content right now and that is saying a lot coming from someone who is a supreme optimist. I find it easier to surround myself with people who don't know me well. This isn't because I don't want to be known, but because I want to get to know these people better and have a fresh comfortable feeling. I'm rambling in my own thoughts and I can't really figure out how to decipher these at this exact moment. I watched the movie Georgia Rule the other day, in it there is a really awesome line... something about how looking at the picture of the puzzle you are building is like knowing how your life will end and that everything in between doesn't matter. I want everything to matter, but I'm way too careful. Maybe this is good, maybe not. I FEEL SO ILLITERATE AND SCATTER BRAINED. This is all I will write then, I can't continue to make no sense even to myself. :)

Mar. 16th, 2008

(no subject)

I don't have to know what I want right now. I don't have to know. Somehow, for the time being, I find beauty in this. Blah, I'm young. Again for the time being.. I follow my mothers advice. NOT TO THE DEGREE THAT SHE SAYS THOUGH. Oh dear no. But yeah. Life. Great. I have size 4 pants now. Haha.

Mar. 14th, 2008

Day 1.


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